how can u be prego again
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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