the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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