He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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