the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
