capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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