We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
