I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
