only you would photoshop your dick
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
