I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
