There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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