why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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