take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
