genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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