Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
