I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
