He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
