apparently the secret to your success is patron
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
