i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
