my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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