ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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