totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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