haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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