Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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