Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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