she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
