im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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