Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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