Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
