lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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