He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
