Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
