worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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