I think I won the penis lottery.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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