hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
