Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
