She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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