your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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