I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
