I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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