Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
