I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
