youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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