I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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