Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
