Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
