The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
