sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
