Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
