# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
