I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
