I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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