i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
