she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
