Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
