just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
