Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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